Key note readers or how to catch a snooze in 15 minutes

The evening proceeds with a couple of great speeches from the people involved with this award ceremony. Great equal five minutes or less. Then we're introduced to the ‘Keynote Speaker'.

Now you may have noticed that in the title of this diatribe I use the word ‘key note reader'. This is because that's exactly what this ‘expert' in his field did – read from his notes, while occasionally glancing over to his power point slides which were crammed with information. And, by the way, with so much small print on them only the people in the first couple of rows could see.

I glanced around during his talk which caused other people to follow my example and what did we see – at least two people sound asleep! This at least gave us some light relief.

He also managed to include almost every new cliché in the book – ‘underpin this project', ‘key trends' ‘emerging markets' ‘revise market focus' ‘develop distinctive capabilities to shift resources' critical imperatives'. I really do believe there were many people there, including me, who were left wondering what exactly he was talking about. I wonder in fact if he even wrote his speech as he kept stumbling over ‘big words'.

The other speaker was introduced as being from a ‘new dynamic company' which was exciting – we all held our breath to hear from this young woman about her ‘unique' product. She had five minutes and there's a lot you can get across in this time. But she chose to use it to thank all the people – including those who helped decorate her new premises – and to present a certificate to an organisation wich had helped fund the project.

The person in the seat next to me turned to me with a puzzled look and asked if I had understood just what that was about? Me – as puzzled as everyone else.

So if you're reading this and about to organise an event which involves ‘guests' or particularly ‘keynote' speakers, a word of advice. Go and listen to them first and take someone with you. If you're still awake by the time they've finished, then maybe you should use them. And insist that if they use Powerpoint, the slides should have brief visible messages on them.