Katie Mohamed
We are known to check our ego as this so often gets in the way of good decision making. We are flexible, and can multitask, we defy the odds and can handle crises well. Interestingly though, these characteristics are expressed as soft skills. Perhaps, this is why we are labelled as the weaker sex – a gender of compassion – in comparison to men, a gender of power.
Often, we are our own enemies, because our main challenges are that we don’t trust our own voices. We’ve been conditioned to believe that our voices are only relevant in this realm of “soft skills” and this leads to imposter syndrome in the corporate space. To combat this, we need to master building alliances – alliances of voices that we can trust.
We’ve been taught that if we want to get ahead, we need to act, speak or dress like a man. Most of us love a great pin-striped pants suit. It makes us feel stronger when we enter a boardroom. For as long as we know we have been bathed in the masculine definition of confidence and charisma. While we may be attracted to this idea of a “powerful man”, but who’s to say whether this attraction is because we want to be with a powerful man, or if we want to be that powerful man.
As we navigate the male-centric paradigm and try to fit in; our confidence, assertiveness and strength in this position we seek, is often seen as bossy or emotional. This becomes a turn-off among our male peers. Even when we reach positions of power and influence, we do not command the respect a man would in the same position. We just can’t win! We have been bathed only in the masculine.
To be recognised as leaders we often must walk a fine line between two contradictory sets of expectations.
Harvard Business Review stated, the thinking is that “If men have most of the top roles, they must be doing something right?” How do we change this narrative, and in the same vein, institutional and individual mindsets? Essentially, we must generate a pool of better role models who could pave the way for both competent men and women to progress.
When we attempt to lead gracefully, using our female advantage, we end up with a double bias. If we are ambitious, we are accused of self-promoting, especially when we adopt a discipline of owning our achievements. As we affirm our boundaries, we antagonise our female peers. Whether conscious or unconscious, bias makes it difficult for women to move forward.
For decades we are taught to “lean in” to male power structures. Should we “lean in” or “lead like women!” Science tells us that leaders who possess competence, humility and integrity are better leaders. But are these not the same characteristics seen as “soft skills?” Then surely feminine leadership is not gender specific – but simply leadership. It appears that empathy, vulnerability, compassion coupled with clear communication and decisive action exhibits (in excellent ways) what modern leadership, with complementary masculine and feminine attributes looks like in the real world.
Mary Ester Harding said, “If any human being is to reach full maturity, both the masculine and feminine sides of the personality must be brought up into consciousness.”
Not all of us have the same leadership style, but our ambitions are the same. We are powerful agents of change. We are essential in the radical shift in consciousness. We must be intentional about showing up fully and authentically in all our feminine brilliance. It is the pathway of vulnerable, sustainable and intuitive leadership.
We can be assertive and empathetic. We can be fierce and feminine. We can embody grace and grit. These diverse attributes are not mutually exclusive. I know we are pretty masterful at this balancing act!
When we have this balance, these traits become gifts. We can cultivate the necessary blend of goals, intention and purpose.
As the saying goes, “Trying to be a man, is a waste of a woman.”
